toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
