I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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