I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
