Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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