yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
