i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
