He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
