we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
