Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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