if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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