i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
