there's paper in my vomit.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
