hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
