Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
