this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
