youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
