Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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