I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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