I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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