Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
