we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
