Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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