dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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