Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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