I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
