Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
