Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
