New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
