Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
