I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
