my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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