The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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