things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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