I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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