wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
