So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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