Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
