He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
