Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
