People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
