last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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