i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
