Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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