Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
