What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
