I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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