mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
one might say we're banned from that church
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
