you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
