All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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