Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
