he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
