He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
