I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
