so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
