shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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