well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
