I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
