big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
