my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
