With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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