It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We have started to decorate penises.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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