Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
