i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm too high and old for this...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
