i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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