You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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