It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
