Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
