...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
