You made me cry and you don't even care
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
