Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she peed on how many people?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
