Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I booty called her while she was in labor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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