i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
