Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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