i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
