Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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